Betrayed!

Before I get into all the things I am feeling I want to say I finished the Duggar book! It was Great. I really want to read it again. It has some get advise and it is great to see that they have the same kind of life as anyone else.
That being said I have turned a new leaf in life. I have decided to finally make good with my maker. I just feel that maybe that is the better step at this moment!

This is about the feelings I feel about a person and I feel by getting it off my chest I will feel better.

Last year right around this time I had a friend get in contact with me. I use to work with her and still talked here and there. She was calling because she had just gotten kicked out of her mother's home and needed a place to live. I talked with my husband (who was just my fiance at the time) and he agreed to take her into our home until she got on her feet.

We never really talked about the details of money in the beginning we just said please bring what you have and we will help until you find a job. For that time of three months a few things happened. She started out strong looking for a job every day. Applying anywhere she could. After about a week it became "I will do it tomorrow" or "I am waiting on a call." We did have good times and she helped teach me to drive, I just wanted to finally. The first month was over and nothing had happened.

She did how ever get a check for $300 or so for the last job she was at. She had agreed after paying her insurance on her car she would put a bit to the house. She paid the insurance ($98 before taxes) and than the rest disappeared. I felt so let down that she had gone back on her word but I have faith that she would get a job SOON.

The second month started and we ended up running into some car troubles. Thanks be to God she was there to help. Thanks to her my husband and I got to work on time and didn't have to wait for the bus in the HOT Mojave Sun. That month I let the whole paying the rent part go until she started asking for gas money. Yes we were using her car but she was using our Gas, Water, Power, Food and CABLE for free. She would sit in her room ALL day and have the TV on ever if she was doing something else or sleeping. She also would be online ALL the time chatting up guys and trying to get another boyfriend ASAP.

I felt that she could put a little more effort in job hunting and less on guys we would be good. At last she got a job. I good full time job. It was not easy but it would help her a lot! The first few days I barely saw her. She would leave before me and got home and went straight to bed. I felt bad that she was being worked so hard but she was getting great overtime. In the first week she got at least 40 hours!

I thought Praise God she is on the right path. Since her moving in we had had to borrow money from my parents just the keep everything on and we were still behind. The end of the first week came and she got a day off. We spend it talking and just relaxing. She told me of her pains and how she felt over worked. I told her to just wait it out and she would find something better than she could have that job under her belt and have some money to pay bills (she had a cell phone and the insurance to pay as well as the debt to us.) and to enjoy the good things in life again.

I had also started looking for a new job during that time. I had been demoted do to corporate wanting to relocate my position. I sent her resume right after mine on every job in the hope one of use could have a better job. The next day she went to work and was at the house when I got there. She had been fired after asking for an extra day off (according to her). Now mind you I had worked with her and I knew her work ethic so I still doubt the reason.

She lost that job and we were back to the beginning again. This time she didn't even try to get a job. She sat at home all day or went out and partied with people she had met online. I had grown tired of the excuses and the lies. She had been using men to pay some of her bills and when she got the check for the last job it disappeared again. (40 hrs x 8.50 an hr=340 minus taxes and still she was "broke.")

My husband and I talked and decided to give her a choice get a job and pay us back for the last three months or leave. She started staying at her new "boyfriend's" house and we could never talk her when we were together. He got tired of waiting and just told her. She decided to move in with her boyfriend.

She than stopped talking to me and talked badly about me with her friends.

Now cut to today. I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years with NO luck and I am 5'6" 200 lbs and still no period. But she is 5'5" 240 lbs and she is 5 months pregnant. I feel like God has gifted her with his biggest blessing and I have nothing but heartache and pain.

I do feel better not that I have that off my chest.

This is my life

This is my life a journey not only for the standard things but my weight loss to become healthier and to be able to get pregnant.

I am going to be very honest and frank for this first blog. I hope that someone can benefit from this. It may be a long one though.

It all started a few years ago when I met the man of my dreams (but all stories start like this?). Any way I had been online on myspace of all places looking at people in my area. I found a man that had this picture of him looking over his shoulder at the camera, all the other pictures were of Superman and such, but I looked at that picture I thought this is the man for me. One picture and I knew. I started talking to him via emails and then the phone than finally he can to my house one very late night. Two days later I traveled 90 miles and stayed with him for the weekend. It was fast and I was so surprised I trusted this person so much. Every week that we had days off he would stay with me or I would go and stay with him. This went on for a few month and I decided I wanted the long distance part to be over so I planned on getting a job out there and he decided to look for a job out here, and guess who got a job where.

We ended up moving into an apartment only a few miles from work and decided to just to have children. Before we moved out I started having trouble with lack of period. From November to Janurary there was nothing. I took pregnancy test after pregnancy test all negative. I am one of those people that fear the doctor and so I just thought oh I got my period in Januray I am fine now. So time went on and I had my period on and off, it was never really that normal to begin with.

The first year went by and the summer was the same as the winter before. I lacked a period and thought I was finaly going to get to hae a child with the man I loved, but the same results. I went to a doctor and she tested my hormones. I did have a yeast infection but the hormones are perfect. I took it as there was just something else like my weight and of course I felt horrible. My weight went up and down.

Now I am back to no period (minus spotting) and I am trying to lose the weight for good this time. I am looking for a doctor that is going to do no than say you are fine and walk me out the door.

That is were I am now. I am trying to find myself in all of this. I feel like I have never really done things for me before now. I am going to try my hardest to lose 80 lbs. In one year. So we will see!

Here are some of the only full body pictures I have